a passionate heart

Lately I've been passionate about making a whole-lot of excuses. Excuses that I am too busy, too far away, not talented enough, not bright enough, not eloquent enough, not faithful enough. I feel shy about posting personal or Godward thoughts because I am too self-conscious and not articulate enough. Last week, dear Leslie posed a question on her blog that has been weighing on my heart: What are you passionate about? Maybe this is just the push I needed.

I've been a hopeless case of twisted priorities. I've been spending day after day feeling like a spinning top, without getting anywhere. I find myself dreaming in conditional statements, "If I can only be _____ then I will be more ____" and "Someday when ____ then _____ will be better." Sad situations at work leave me doubting and questioning God's perfect will. And while struggling to find my own way down life's path, lost and complaining, I've been too proud and maybe just too weak to take out my compass and map. To preoccupied with myself to realize that there's really only one thing missing.

Thankfully, my Lord+Savior hasn't been keeping track of my floundering. Jesus already lived a perfect life and died in my place. All I need to do is turn to Him. His Word is still on my nightstand, waiting to be opened. He wants to speak to me, to work in me, to shine in me. He certainly hasn't stopped loving me unconditionally. In fact, He's made a place for me in heaven and He wants me to inherit an eternity of bliss, perfect wisdom and unending glory and light {John 14:2}. Love so perfect and amazing, does not even make sense to me.

I am {wanting to be more} passionate about my walk with Jesus. I need Him at the center of my life. When my relationship with God stays the top priority in my life, I just know that all of my other cares, worries, and passions will fall into place {Matt. 6:33}. Better yet, He promises to direct my paths in the passions He has created in my heart {Psalm 37:4}. When I reflect on His promises, I realize that feeling inadequate and incapable is simply not allowed. Over and over again, God seeks out the poor, humble, and weak to serve Him & spread His precious word.

No more excuses. He has called me by name, He cares for me & blesses me in more ways than I could even begin to appreciate. He fills me up. I want to know Him more. I want to live for Him; serve Him. I want to share my faith in Him with others; I want to delight myself in Him; I want to trust in Him always. {Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things. Philippians 4:7}

Lord, give me a new, clean, passionate heart. Let me be reborn in you daily. I need your tender mercy, endless forgiveness, and strength more than ever. I want to walk in the light of your truth. Fill me with passion to love others like you love them and to serve you in all that I do. Give me grace & contentment with the life you've given me and fill me with zeal & passion to live for you. You already know the story of my life--You wrote it. I hope you have big plans for me. I am in.


Elizabeth said...

Beautifully written and very encouraging. Thank you.

Erin said...

Now, that's a post! Way to put it out there! I will be praying for you, Jessica. Thanks for sharing your heart.

Leslie said...

AWESOME Jessica, thanks for joining me in this, its so awesome, to see all of us having God work through such similar issues...

so enjoyed you sharing this, thanks

Casey said...

jessica, you seem to know me too well! i too feel these feelings often, but then remember i don't need to know everything, i don't need to fix everything, i don't need to do everything. just rest in him, trust in him, and take one day at a time. God will do the rest!! thank you for sharing... and thank you for your kind comment! i appreciate it!

SwellCakes said...

I think we all feel this way sometimes...you wrote it in a beautiful way most could not.