8.20.2009

living the {suitcase} life...still

That's right. I humbly admit that we are going on 7 weeks of living out of a suitcase, hanging out with my parents, lost in a terrible holding pattern we'd like to call our transitional disaster plan. In my mind, I had anticipated that our move would have gone much smoother, but I guess in the real world things always take more time and more headaches than you originally plan. I thought for sure that by the beginning of August and certainly by Labor Day we would both be gainfully employed first-time homeowners. Wishful thinking? Brace yourself. It's time for some therapeutic blogging as I spill out the contents of my confused little life...

Not even sure where to begin with this story and how we've gone from plan A to B to spiraling into plans C-F without completely crumbling...But I believe I have some genuine explaining to do. Four weeks ago, we both had decent jobs lined up and were a heartbeat away from making an offer on the cutest little cottage you ever saw...just 1 block away from my parents' house. It seemed like such a safe & secure plan. We were about to settle down, raise our perfect little family, and lead a simple, small-town existence. We would have a big, bright backyard where Graham could lead a charmed childhood, run around and catch bugs. Jeff was going to work with the very reputable photographer in town, in his well-established studio. I was all set to work 20hrs/week evenings and weekends in the E.R. to help make ends meet for a few more years. It seemed that God had opened up perfect opportunities for us and I felt so at peace with all of that; even if it meant living 60 miles away from the nearest craft store or classy restaurant.

And somewhere along the line God threw us a complete curve ball. We began dreaming and scheming in different directions. Either coming to our senses or going completely crazy--we couldn't determine. Jeff began feeling an even stronger pull to go out on a limb and start his own business. I began to see us living elsewhere for a million other reasons, not the least of which was the craft store factor...I could fully recount the pros and cons of this whole tangled mess, and run through every possible situation/scenario with you, my friends, but there seriously aren't enough hours in the day...

So a million prayers, internet searches, and a few humiliating phone calls later, we are rewinding. We are following our hearts big time, taking epic risks, trusting God and beginning again. We are plunging into building a future in Jeff's photo business and are heading to the Twin Cities where {hopefully} a greater market and opportunities abound. We have hung up our house-hunting hats for now and are searching and settling for another simple 2-bedroom rental. (To me, that alone was heart-wrenching after I had mentally/emotionally moved-in and redecorated the aforementioned cottage.)

The uncertainty on the road ahead is maddening, but the possibilities and opportunity are exhilarating. As much as I want to break down and panic every day, I just keep praying for more patience and wisdom to make sense of it all. We are blessed right now with a comfy place to live as we transition and the potential to work hard and work things out. We're still young with relatively few commitments and G is still highly transplant-able. {All the kid needs right now are clean diapers and warm, familiar arms.} And you know, he'll probably even end up with a big, bright backyard and a jar full of lightning bugs before we even know it. Can't wait to look back on all of this with a contented smile and a laundry list of blessings...

This too shall pass.

14 comments:

Cottage Mommy said...

Oh, I feel for you so much for the tough time this is but I am also busting with excitement for you guys! Way to go in following your hearts and pursuing your dreams! You are obviously trusting God through this and He never lets us down! Love the photo of Graham too...can't wait to hear the new developments! (And I'm sure you will make that two bedroom rental the cutest two bedroom rental there ever was!)

Shannon said...

Wow, I am so impressed and in awe of you guys. Good for you for dreaming big and doing what you feel is best for your little family right now. Good luck with everything!

And more baby pics please!

Lisa said...

Hi Jess!
Good for you for making your dreams come true now, because before you know it it will be too late...
If only more people had your courage to just go for it, I know I wish I had more of it! And just remember things ALWAYS work out in the end!
Wishing you all the best with love - Lisa

Katie - My Paisley Apron said...

I so feel for you! It's so hard waiting and not knowing. Sometimes I feel like we are just waiting and waiting for our "real life" to begin, as though somehow that will only happen once Chris gets a "real" job and we buy a house. And yet, that's At Least 6 years from now! Elijah will be 7 or 8 before we even have the chance to end up in a place we think will be permanent. So I remind myself that this is our real life, right this second. It's good that you didn't settle down there even though it seemed so easy if it wasn't going to contain all you had hoped, but it is so hard wanting to just get it all started and settled!!

have a lovely said...

oh sweet girl! what an honest post of adventure, relying on God, human doubts, taking risks...and living what is becoming your new normal. i pray that as the days unfold that God pricks your heart with a peace and a calm that passes all understanding. this too as rocky and uncertain as it feels will continue to mold you into holy. for even in the midst of it...you are an example to us all. and how blessed to be in the arms of your family during all of this too!! so excited for you on what lies ahead...the road hasn't ended...it still continues ahead!!

Leslie said...

.. not everyone's lives fit in that mold.. at every single moment.

I learn this DAILY!!!

And although I do think (I really do, you'll be lighting bug catching in no time) I also think God has it in store, better than than how it almost happened.... beyond your wildest dreams better...

oh Jessica.. thank you for update on life... always love to hear it..

and praying.. for wisdom and discernment as you all make these big .. great big choices...

love how you all follow your hearts..really really do.

Leslie said...

btw..
what Katie wrote.. really really struck a chord with me... she is so right...

I think we all play this game... a lot. Well no more.. yeah for life... just as it is.

Secondstreetdesigns said...

I understand- we are in a similar boat. Self-employment is super scary , but sometimes we (and esp our husbands) just need the chance to be to be able to live our dreams (Ask me tomorrow if I still believe that!) That's the good thing about being a nurse though- if the need arises your skills can always pay the bills.

I love the baby in a suitcase! Cute!

One Love Photo said...

I think that is so awesome, don't settle. Following your heart is so worth it. Plus Home ownership is kinda over rated! Let me know if your husband needs any support, advice whatever on this journey!

Noah and Ryders Mommy said...

I can definitely understand and sympathize with your two as you all persue this dream of yours! Praying that it all goes smoothly for you and that you find that perfect little home for your family!

erica said...

We just moved from our lovely little 1930's rental house with its perfect little yard in northern CA to a brand new run of the mill town home with no yard whatsoever in Texas. Sometimes I miss growing vegetables, hanging clothes out on the line to dry, and watching our kitties roll around in the dirt so much that I could cry (and sometimes I do!). BUT, we moved to Texas because my husband had a dream to teach at a wonderful school and that makes the heartache of moving totally worth it. And like you said, "this too shall pass." Sometimes I forget that my parents didn't start out with the house, the job, and the financial security that they have now, but it took them years to get there. Anyway, here's to contentment and blooming where your planted! =)

Diana said...

Wow. You are so brave to follow your heart...even if it's completely scaring the living daylights out of you right now. It will all work out in the end and you will know that you did what you felt you needed to do. Good luck and keep us posted. The blogging community is here for you!

Chelle said...

You guys have guts. I totally admire you. It takes so much more faith to go out on a limb that to stick with what you know will be safe and secure. And of course God will meet all your needs but in the meantime, please know that I know about being scared silly over all the unkowns. One thing that has really helped me in dealing with our upheavel this summer, is to remember that the heart of Jesus and my husband and children is my home. It's not a building. Not at all.

Bless your heart. You are such an inspiration, dearie.

Whitney said...

Were you thinking Mpls/St paul proper? Not a suburb? Commuting has become bad there...And, hard to find Lightning bugs, maybe more in St Paul, truly a prettier city. Good luck with everything. Oh and the fog today in SF? You could cut it with a butter knife, it was drippy ;(